To My Dearest Husband

My dearest husband.

On the day you left, it was our oldest son's 4th birthday, but I never mentioned it to him. I didn't want him to associate his birthday with Daddy's departure. I neglected the dishes. I drove an hour to hangout with friends, one of whose husband deployed with you, for 45 minutes. I came home, and Reagan had done the dishes. I floated through the day in a zombie trance, fighting back tears hourly. Thank you for buying an extra frozen pizza, you must have known that would be all I could manage for dinner that night. It took me 3 hours to get the boys to go to sleep that night. I got a lot of messages on my facebook from friends reaching out with supportive advice and prayer. Every one of them made me happy, and I felt a little stronger as the day went on. Ashton asked "Where Daddy go". Grayson responded "in a plane to the desert." Isadora also cut her first tooth, AND rolled in her cast today.

On the second day, I brought all 3 kids to Grayson's 4 year check up. We had a good morning. I felt strong and like I can do this. Shiloh came over, and our washing machine broke. Im glad she was here, because she somehow fixed it. I would have just called a plumber, or neglected to deal with it for a few days. She also dressed up as a cow with me and the boys, and we stampeded to Chic-Fil-A for free food. We hungout there for a couple hours, and she gave me so much advice. She wasn't overbearing and was just there for me. Which was really nice. Then she took our dogs to her house, to see if they would want to take them for the entirety of your deployment, while I travel east. What friends we have. <3. I watched The Lucky One that night.

On the third day, I brought the kids grocery shopping at 8am, then packed up and drove a half hour to Harrah to do some peach picking. As we were getting into the car, Sherri called my name from down the street. She ran over and said she had a bunch of snacks leftover from tornado season and asked if we would want them for our trip. I thought I would cry right there from her kindness. I know both her and Ed are thinking of us a lot. On the drive, I teared up as I thought about how thankful I am for the people in our life. The helpful, loving, friends we have been blessed with. I don't know what we do to deserve so many astonishing people.

Peach picking was hot and Isadora was heavy in the carrier. I missed you, and remembered how helpful you are whenever we go anywhere. We had fun with Kelli, Adi, and Teddy, and Tina, Abi, Will, and Luke. I came home to a house with flies in it. When you are home, that doesn't happen. You are the master fly swatter. Ill never forget the time you nailed that fly with the champagne cork at Laughlin.

I brought our pool and the kids over to Andrea's that afternoon. She watched all 3 so I could run home and take a shower by myself  before my apple appointment. It was really weird being alone in the house, no kids, no dogs or even crates. It took me record time showering and getting ready. probably 20 min flat. I went back to get Is and headed to the mall. I waited for basically a half hour for my 15 minute appointment, where they told me all I need to do is get an external hard drive and my computer and phone will function normally again. You could have helped me with that! That made me annoyed with you. And then, I missed you.

I brought Andrea peaches, grabbed the kids, and raced to get the dogs. Loki scared Midnight into hiding again and the Day's felt it wouldn't work out. I don't blame them. To be honest I missed them. Especially at night. I brought them peaches and they said they would watch our plants for us instead.

I told the boys that you told me you missed them, and Grayson rolled over, ignoring the comment. Ashton asked again "mommy, where Daddy go?"
That night Grayson went right to sleep, but Ashton stayed up for about 2 hours. I watched The Longest Ride, and stayed up late planning. I slept very little.  It was so neat how I woke up just as you had text me in the middle of the night, even though my phone was on silent. That made me so happy. We were so in tune with one another.

This morning I woke up with purpose, for the first time since you've left. We had breakfast together, the kids and I, and brought the dogs to the park. It took us like 20 minutes to get there, because Ashton rode his trike the whole way. We stayed about an hour and then came home and did chores. Ed came by twice, both times I missed him due to being on the phone with the bank. I finally touched base and he was just so helpful. I ended the conversation saying how grateful we are for he and his wife for helping us, and he responded, " Well, Im so grateful to know a young family with such great minds!"
WHEW.  How blessed are we???

Grayson took my keys today. I found him on the couch looking at our picture key chain, the one you made for me for our anniversary. I asked him what he was thinking, and he said, "I miss Daddy."

I did the dishes today. First time since you left. (And since before Grayson's birthday party.. because you always did them for me. You know how much I hate dishes.)

Im going to go do some errands now with the kids. I can't wait to talk to you tonight. Don't be surprised if Grayson pushes you away at first. He's having a hard time. Ashton's also biting again. :/ Loki is also acting out and chewing everything!!!! UGH.
Oh and our internet keeps going out.

Isadora just crawled in her cast for the first time!!! She uses her little feet to lunge herself forward like a little turtle. She's amazing!! Not that far behind!

The boys didn't eat any dinner. I think they are upset you couldn't talk. They've been very defiant, as usual with me, but more so. And I've been extra firm and consistent. Tonight at bedtime,  I was in their room for ohhh I dont know, the fourth time telling them enough. Grayson started bawling saying he misses Daddy. I know it wasn't just a ploy to get out of going to bed. I could tell. He said it because I was being so stern with him. I don't remember you ever being the softy, but I guess when there's two of us we balance each other out more. This whole single parenting thing is hard. I feel wrong calling it that, because I still feel so much support from you from miles away.

Grayson just came into our room, crying because Ashton bit his nose. They're both asleep now, after we all had a long snuggle fest of tears talking about Daddy. They want to hear you sing to them. Every time I tried to fill in for you, they whined at me. I'm so glad we can skype in the morning. Thank God for technology! I hope this will help. I'm watching The Best Of Me tonight and hopefully getting more sleep.