Hey babe.
Yesterday the kids and I did errands in the am and around 1 headed to Yukon to the pool with Whitney and Chanel, Aria, and Keller. You should have seen ASHTON! He LOVED the water!! Whitney is a swim teacher as you know, so she had him jumping from the side into the pool, then as he floated up she would assist him in getting a breath, then he would swim about 4-5 feet to the stairs underwater. He came up for air at the steps. Then he would climb out and do it again! He's such a little fishy. Grayson did really well too. At first he clung to the steps but eventually he came out into the pool (3 feet) and walked around. He didn't want to jump in from the side, but was going under water and holding his breath on the steps. I think it is best to let him do what he feels comfortable with at this point. We need to let him forget his little scares from last summer and at Thunderbird lake. He will come around, he's always been fearless and Im sure he will conquer the fear soon.
He did get a cramp of some sort and for about 20 minutes he cried in agonizing pain. I thought it was a combo of a lot of juice which he is not used to and all the swimming and sun. He sat out and just relaxed once he calmed down until he was ready to swim again. It was scary for me though, it seemed like he could have had appendicitis with the way he was screaming and hunching over. Isadora was such a little water baby too. She was kicking up a storm!
We went to Texas Roadhouse after with all of the kids. It was so crazy! Chanel said they go out to eat often because she can't cook, and the kids do do alright when they have the bread or chips. I realized we don't go out to eat because of our tight budget and that made me sad. I can't wait to have our debts paid off and to be contributing to our finances.
The boys went to sleep so well for me last night after we all had showers. It was such a relief after the way they've been for me at bedtimes.
Today has been hard in the motivation realm. I woke up, drank some coffee, started laying out outfits, and decided to have my leftover ribs, mashed potatoes, and carrots for breakfast. Needless to say, you know that is the farthest thing from my usual breakfast choices. The boys played outside with me while I gave the dogs baths. They ran away from me last night and didn't come home until this morning. And of course, they got sprayed by a skunk.
Then lunch, and nap. I laid in bed with Ashton today at nap time for about 20 minutes singing until the boys (and I briefly) fell asleep.
I text with you a little bit while they were down. I was really really really hoping to talk to you at this time. I knew you'd give me a kick in the booty to get packing, or clean the house.. or something. I was also feeling pretty lonely. Instead I watched The Best Of Me. My computer wasn't working the other night so I couldn't. It was the best Nicholas Sparks movie I've seen and I really want to read the book now. I love all the books but they didn't always turn into the greatest movies. You'd think it was "alright" for a chick-flick. Better than the Notebook anyways!! Ed also called to check up on me. Every time I talk to either of them I am overwhelmed with a blessed feeling.
Once the boys woke up we text with you a little bit and face timed Amma and Auntie Em. I got moving with outfits and organizing and did some house cleaning. We had a later dinner (7-8) because they slept until 4ish so I just got them down at 9:15ish. We watched Inside out at the table while we ate.. the boys loved it and remembered seeing it with you in theaters. We talked about you and how you're going to be flying tomorrow. They ate their leftovers from Texas roadhouse and I made them zuchini and squash "chips" (baked with coconut oil and parm cheese drizzled over). They loved it!! And they also had cereal. This was the first night since you left that they really had big appetites.
Tonight bedtime was about 15 minutes. PROGRESS!!! Slowly but surely we're making a new routine. I hope we can keep this going while we are home, and especially when you return. I've been told it is very hard to readjust upon homecoming. They say it's best for the one whose coming home, you, to sit back and observe for like a week. And slowly work your way into the routine.
Today was hard for me. I thought of you all the time, even while I was busy. I wondered what you were doing, and if you were enjoying yourself. I really longed to be connected with you. I imagined us joking together, working in sync as we prepare for a trip home. Remember a couple months back when your parents visited, and we prepared the house together and for the first time, we didn't argue about how we were going to clean? For the first time in all of our cleaning history?! That was so nice. I miss you so much.
I wish we could be together now. I need your help cleaning and packing! Especially packing tomorrow. I feel a little bitter. As if it is so unfair that after all the progress we have made in our marriage we are forced apart. It's so hard to feel that we are growing while you are so far from me. When these doubts and fears creep into my head, I keep reminding myself in the long run this deployment will only bring us closer together. That our individual self growth will be substantial. We just have to go with the flow for now and give ourselves grace. I can't wait to see where we will be mentally at Christmas time. I know I'll only love you more deeply. <3
PS. I liked when you quoted me on that today. "Give yourself grace". You must have read my letter.
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